Isaiah 29:13-15
“The Lord says, ‘These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men. Therefore once more I will astound these people with wonder upon wonder; the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish.
Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the Lord, who do their work in darkness and think, ‘Who sees us? Who will know?’”
I don’t want to just go through the motions of Christianity. To live a life full of mediocrity and hypocrisy just seems like such a waste. The problem is that I am so passionate about living correctly, but when I go to my classes, I’m just really nice and helpful. I rarely bring up my faith, and when I do, I’ll just say that I can’t practice for our presentation/performance because I have church. I mean, there are rare opportunities to have intense conversations about things other than art and design while I’m at school.
On the bright side, I found out that there are definitely two other Christians in Block with me, so that’s cool. One was having problems with her boyfriend and I got to talk to her about it from a Christian viewpoint in front of other people that were listening. Gah, but it all seems so indirect! So fearful of what others will think! But why? Why do I feel like this when I know that knowing Christ and accepting his grace are so much greater? It honestly astounds me. I feel like I am capable of so much good for the kingdom, but I don’t know why I don’t speak up more and be more “aggressive”. It bothers me that the times I’ve had spiritual conversations and tried so hard to lead lifelong friends to the Lord, that nothing comes of it. I feel guilty that I love God so much and have yet to lead even ONE person to know him. What if I’m not doing this right? What if I’m not being good enough? I know that not being “good enough” is what it’s all about, and God uses ordinary people to do his extraordinary work, but ugh, I feel so counterproductive.
Maybe I just feel alone and out of place right now concerning my values.
P.S. – I freaking hate Halloween.
2 responses so far ↓
Tammi // October 31, 2008 at 3:47 pm |
As I read this, I see reason to rejoice. Its not until this restlessness and humility sets in, that God can show Himself to the world. And He will.
1 Peter 2:11 Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.
Keep doing what you’re doing, and leave the rest to God. Nothing that is of the Kingdom will go to waste.
Isaiah 55:11 So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.
And I agree. Halloween sucks. I think we give the devil enough attention every time we sin against God, why devote a whole day to him?
nataliegafford // November 1, 2008 at 11:27 pm |
You know Rach, I was just talking about this the other day with someone. I hate how I have this desire for doing great things for the Kingdom but then just always settle for ‘nice and helpful.’ One thing I have been learning recently is that it is through the application of scripture that we are truly transformed.